


Dark side of the moon

by ratfromasewer



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Shoplifting, Teenagers, Undecided Relationship(s), they're broke basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:45:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6197338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratfromasewer/pseuds/ratfromasewer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the nightmares won’t leave even when he tries to tell them to go, he puts his hand in Frank’s, and squeezes until Frank holds him still like a weight dragging him down, but it doesn’t feel like drowning at all.<br/>Breathing takes so much patience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark side of the moon

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've posted this before but I started to regret deleting it 'cause it's actually pretty good.
> 
> side note yes I indeed did change my username from hellaradkilljoy to ratfromasewer. I like this one better.

Maybe, if Gerard hopes hard enough, Christmas forgets to come this year.

 

Neon adverts and sirens on the streets, half-running from the graffiti-alleys. Tuesdays are the worst because they’re the busiest days. Gerard’s hands shake when he brings them from the shelves to his pockets, quickly and quietly.

  He pretends he doesn’t exist at all. Most times it works. It’s not like he’s not used of being invisible.

   He’s had it okay, he knows it. His knuckles are white and purple.

 

They say that money doesn’t buy you happiness.

   Gerard almost believes it too, when the fall is slowly turning into a winter and the water pipes are about to freeze again.

 

Almost believes it – that he should be content with this. With the way his worn-out shoes hurt his blistered feet. He wears his grandma’s scarf around his neck and leaves little notes on walls; the things he can’t and won’t say out loud.

 

There’s gotta be more than this.

 

For him.

 

For _them._

And good God, does Gerard _crave_ change. The red-nosed boy on his couch doesn’t let him do anything else.

  Gerard wants them to change. They deserve it, he thinks. Few small mistakes and just a _few_ bigger ones shouldn’t take it away from them. But so they do.

 

And Frank could leave Gerard. But he doesn’t.

 

  But really, there’s nowhere Frank could go, if it wasn’t for Gerard and his couch. Frank sleeps there and smiles a little when Gerard says “morning” and that little smile feels like a tiny little kick in Gerard’s insides, and it forces a smile on his face too.

  So, they smile to each other. Even more so, when the lady next door starts yelling again and everyone in their floor can hear.

 

 _It’s shit_ she yells and her boyfriend doesn’t answer, _everything’s turning to shit_

  Gerard couldn’t agree more. He just keeps quiet about it – as he does about everything else, too.

 

He keeps quiet about the way he feels when Frank cuddles against Gerard’s side in his sleep, mumbling sleep-words, some of them suspiciously sounding like _Gerard_

  
And Gerard doesn’t have the nerve to ask what Frank dreams about.

 

Does he dream of _them._ Because Gerard knows he would, if he had the courage to close his eyes. Now he just lives like a dog, half-awake.

  When the nightmares won’t leave even when he tries to tell them to go, he puts his hand in Frank’s, and squeezes until Frank holds him still like a weight dragging him down, but it doesn’t feel like drowning at all.

Breathing takes so much patience.

 

“You’re okay” Frank whispers against Gerard’s neck, voice hoarse and heavy from sleep, “You’re okay, we’re _okay_.”

 

It takes so much courage to believe that. Gerard holds onto it, onto Frank’s arms around his waist and his slow breathing just next to Gerard’s ear.

 

“We’re okay” Gerard echoes. It’s just a tiny whisper but it makes the corners of Frank’s mouth rise anyhow, and Gerard closes his eyes and drifts into the feeling of not being alone. After everything he’s seen, it feels reasonable. To believe that there will be another day.

 

  “Morning” Gerard says when they wake up, and Frank always pretends like he doesn’t remember what has happened last night – the punk just smiles.

  Smiles and says; “ _good_ morning” although every morning is a bad morning. Limbs stiff and aching, Gerard takes a cold shower with his clothes on and sits soaked on the tiles, resting his head against the wall and telling himself over and over again

  _we’re okay_

_we’re okay._

**

 

Gerard takes the three steps to the shelf, takes the package, puts it under his jacket. It’s too big, he knows it. It’s not reasonable.

  It may become visible. He never steals stuff like this at all.

  He’s letting his nerves affect him but he looks over his shoulder and sees Frank through the glass, and Gerard knows that he’ll do it anyway now.

 

  Frank’s smoking and he’s wearing Gerard’s jeans, too big for him, and his scraped knees are showing from the parts where the denim has teared apart. His hair is unwashed and uncut.

  Gerard stops to watch, like a film.

 

Frank. He sees Frank.

 

There’s a lady who’s walking a dog, and without thinking Frank offers his left hand to stroke the dog’s head, but the lady pulls the leash and Gerard can almost feel the air escaping the animal’s lungs and probably Frank’s as well, because he goes full white-shade of pale and the woman mumbles something, but Gerard doesn’t know how to read lips.

 

Something like _don’t touch him_

Frank doesn’t answer, he just backs away and sulks, leans against the store window and brings his hands to protect his torso and he looks so small that it hurts.

 

“Hey you” The two words a shoplifter does _not_ want to hear break into Gerard’s bubble.

 A heavy hand landing on Gerard’s shoulder, and a sheer moment of terror and blood running from his face.

 

Not now

  Gerard just got distracted, that hasn’t happened to him before –

 

Gerard became visible.

“You need to pay for that” the man says and he’s uncomfortably close, and Gerard comes to his senses faster than he expected.

  And he runs. Like hell would be after him.

 

 _“Frank”_ He basically throws himself through the door, almost falling, _“Frank we gotta –“_

**_“Stop!”_ **

****

_“Fucking run!”_ Gerard shrieks and pulls the younger one’s hand, and it takes only seconds until they’re both on their feet and heading down the street, uneven breaths escaping their lips and muscles aching under their baggy clothes and excitement burning in their veins.

 

 _“Fucking run!”_ Gerard pants again and he keeps pulling Frank’s hand, and for some reason it becomes harder and harder to let go. Gerard’s still pressing the package of oreos against his chest with his other arm and he can feel it squishing but he feels so _proud._

 

  Because it’s a surprise, altogether. And Frank’s already giggling like he doesn’t care if they get caught or not, if anything happens, because Frank always believes that everything will turn out just fine for kids like them.

 

 

“I brought these” Gerard says when they’ve finally hid themselves deep enough into the layers of the town and they can’t be found anymore, and he takes the oreos from under his jacket, cheeks burning red and eyes wild.

 “Wow, man” Frank stares with amusement, “wow.”

  “I brought ‘em for you” Gerard tells it like it is, “Because I know that you fucking love ‘em.”

 

“Thanks.” Frank snuggles closer, “that’s cool.”

 

And nothing has quite felt like that before.

 

Gerard’s pulse steadies when he rests his head against Frank’s shoulder and watches as the younger boy opens the package and throws two cookies in his mouth and smiles so wide that the whole world might as well just stop and look at the two of them, the leftover kids slowly forgetting what it means to be something more than just lost.

 

**

 

“Frank” Gerard runs his fingers over Frank’s knuckles and looks at him. They’re sitting on the balcony, looking over the sleeping city, and Frank’s fixated on the velvet sky, pierced with millions of stars.

 

“Yea?”

 

“What do you think” Gerard weights his words before saying them, “what do you think that there is?”

“Where?” Frank mumbles, putting his hand over Gerard’s so he has to stop restlessly moving it, “what are you talking ‘bout?”

 

“The dark side of the moon.” Gerard’s pupils are large in the darkness and his occasional, accidental touches bring goosebumps on Frank’s bruised skin.

 

“I dunno.”

 

“Make a guess.” Gerard tilts his head and moves closer, wraps his other arm around Frank’s shoulder and keeps him so safe that it feels like everything is normal for once.

 

“I dunno” Frank repeats a bit nervously, “Universe?”

 

“What’s in there, Frank?”

 

“Well fuck. How am I supposed to know that.” Frank shrugs, fixating his eyes on someone who’s walking down the street below them, happily unaware of the two boys staring at the stranger passing by.

  It’s 3AM.

 

“You wanna get that one?” Gerard changes subject and Frank nods, grinning. Gerard smiles too and hands him the condom which has been filled with ice-cold water earlier on that same night.

 

Frank takes the home-made weapon, clumsily worms closer to the edge of the balcony and aims, biting his tongue. Gerard watches silently and his teeth chatter, he’s cold and tired, but he won’t sleep anyway and Jersey is at its prettiest this time of day.

 As pretty as something that depressing can get.

 

Gerard nudges Frank’s feet with his own and whispers _“you’ll miss him now dude, do it”_

 

Frank throws.

 

A loud string of _fuck_ s and _what the hell_ s breaks the silence of the night, and Gerard presses his face against Frank’s old sweater to keep himself from laughing. He inhales the damp smell of unwashed second-hand clothes and brings his face from the shirt to the same level as Frank’s, and they look in each other’s eyes nearly shameless. There’s nothing left to hide there anymore.

  Frank has these little wrinkles of laughter in the corner of his eyes. He looks untouched by life, like everything he’s been through has only washed over him like a wave.

  Not that they talk about the bad things too much.

 

“What’s on the dark side of the moon, Gerard?” He asks, smirking and pulls Gerard closer by the hand, doesn’t want him to go.

 

“I don’t know” Gerard answers, “Probably universe, you’re right. Maybe nothing. Maybe it doesn’t exist if it’s invisible.”

 

Like testing if Gerard will approve, Frank presses his lips against the other boy’s, only asking if it’s okay for this to happen. It’s like the final line of a conversation, and Gerard grabs Frank’s hair and brings Frank’s head back until he has the time to properly pull away, and all of a sudden it’s just hungry hands and slow, breathy, needy kisses to warm them both up, to protect them from the upcoming winter all around them.

 

Gerard tugs Frank’s sweater, cool hand against sensitive skin, and Frank shivers from the craziness of it’s all. He bites on Gerard’s lower lip causing a low, quiet moan, struggling to decide where to put his hands, so he just keeps them moving all over Gerard’s upper body, his chest and his sides and his shoulders.

Gerard keeps licking into Frank’s mouth like he’s looking to have a permanent residence there and Frank can’t help but feel that pressure building inside, that pressure to get more. It’s been such a long time since someone has touched him like this, and anyway, he has not been taken care of too much in his life, so he just goes with it now.

 

In a second that feels like a lifetime for both of them, Gerard drags his hand from Frank’s jaw to down his chest until he reaches the belt of his jeans, and his hand is terribly close to Frank’s crotch but Frank doesn’t have exactly too much time to think about that before Gerard is sucking on his neck, leaving tiny marks like temporary ink on the skin.

  Blue on white, Frank thinks, that’ll suit just fine.

 

“Oh _god_ ” comes out needier than Frank intended but it only encourages Gerard’s sloppy kisses and touches, and it definitely motivates his fingers to fumble with the loops of Frank’s jeans, kind of teasing with just being there, offering to touch but then denying it. Frank’s resting a bit uncomfortably on the balcony and he can still hear the distant voices of late-night traffic, and Gerard lays heavy and hot on top of him.

 

“Hey” Frank manages against Gerard’s cheek, lips kiss-swollen and red, “Maybe we should… I mean… inside…”

 

“What’s on the dark side of the moon, Frank?” Gerard laughs to himself as he gets up, offering his hand to pull Frank with him, and as soon as they’re both up, they’re kissing again, Gerard pushing Frank against the wall and using the new angle to pin the boy down just like he wants to, and Frank tries to swallow the groan that builds in the back of his throat when Gerard’s knee presses against his crotch, creating the illusion of contact, but it’s nowhere near enough.

  _Nowhere near._

 

“The moon can go fuck itself” Frank pants, pulling Gerard from the front of his shirt and stealing hot and messy kisses, “I don’t want to know, I just want to –“

 

“Fuck the moon, huh?”

 

“Nah” Frank giggles, “Nah I kind of want to _be_ fucked.”

 

“Oh” Gerard whimpers, because the only confidence Frank has left makes him grope Gerard through the front of his jeans, nervously palming through the fabric. He bites his tongue as he did before and Gerard kind of thinks he’s adorable but at the same time it’s becoming so hot that it’s hard to breathe and Gerard wants to see –

 

“Inside” he reminds the both of them, pulling the door open and dragging Frank from his belt, backing up against the couch and falling backwards, pulling the smaller boy with him and fisting his hair while they fall as a giggly, horny mess on Frank’s “bed”.

 

  “Fucker” Frank mouths without a specific reason and tries pulling away the other’s shirt, not trusting himself enough to form words, grinding down and making Gerard blush and moan, maybe not in that order, whatever, who gives a shit.

  “Frank, I –“

  Frank places small, tender kisses on the roundest parts of Gerard’s lower stomach and Gerard falls quiet, putting his hands on his face and still giggling from behind his fingers. He can’t _believe_ this. All the little touches, all the little details, he tries to save every one of them.

  “Ah, fuck…”

  Frank throws away his own sweater, running his hands up and down Gerard’s awkwardly positioned torso and there’s a moment when can’t decide what to do, what he wants to do first. And anyway he’s nervous too – this is happening, Frank’s like a fat kid in a candy shop, but everything is just so overwhelming.

  Gerard notices the shades crossing the younger one’s eyes. He positions himself so that he rests against his elbows.

 

“Frank” He says softly, “Is everything okay?”

 

Frank nods, suddenly overtaken by a numbing flow of shyness, and he feels so vulnerable and bare under Gerard’s eyes that it almost hurts.

 

“If you don’t want to” Gerard mumbles, “We can… I mean, we don’t…”

 

“I want to” Frank hurries, concerned that Gerard will think that there’s something wrong with him, “I… I want you so _bad,_ you have no idea, but I just…”

  “What is it?” Gerard pulls Frank down for a soothing, slow kiss, and Frank melts into it, giving up on his sudden anxiety.

 

“I don’t know where to start” Frank says, cupping Gerard’s face and leaving a tiny, assuring kiss on his forehead.

“Well hell, Frank” Gerard laughs, relieved, “It’s not exactly rocket science, y’know.”

 

“Dickhead” Frank accuses, trying, if Gerard will approve of him lowering himself on the other’s body, kissing and playing with his nipples and tracing a fine line of licks, bites and kisses down Gerard’s naked chest.

  Hell yeah Gerard approves.

 

“So, it’s okay if I –“ Frank gets down from the couch, pulling Gerard on a sitting position on the couch and suggestively opening Gerard’s belt. Gerard would answer, he really _tries_ as well, but he might just swallow his tongue when Frank pulls Gerard’s jeans down, stripping him from his boxers too.

  “Jesus” Gerard startles, “Ah, fucking –“

 

“What, Gerard?” Frank teases, spreading Gerard’s legs so he can get closer, slowly, almost lazily kissing the insides of Gerard’s thighs. It’s not like Frank’s exactly new to this but it’s still making him nervous, all the way, but he doesn’t want that to end it, because he doesn’t want it to end at all. Gerard looks down and chokes on air at the sight of Frank on his knees, drawing a line along Gerard’s length with his tongue as slowly as he can, and Gerard can’t help himself but thrust his hips up and throw his head back. He’s groping air, trying to get a grip of Frank’s overgrown hair, and Frank doesn’t disapprove that idea at all.

 

“Fuck” Gerard simply mutters when Frank sinks down, hollowing his cheeks and humming against the sensitive skin. It’s hot and wet and a little bit gross too, but Frank doesn’t want it any other way, he wouldn’t want anyone else this way right now.

  Gerard finds Frank’s hair, and pulls, pressing his lips together so hard that they’re white as he tries not to make noise.

 

  Frank pulls away just for a second, breathes and grins at Gerard, licking his lips and pushing his head against Gerard’s sweaty palm buried in his hair as a sign of approval.

 

  “You can be loud if you want.” He says, and he takes Gerard in his mouth again, sucking his way as low as he can go without choking himself.

 

Gerard gasps, “Ah shit,” like he’s surprised by the sensation, and he threads his fingers deeper into Frank’s hair. Frank groans and laves his tongue against the underside vein.

 

Gerard can’t help himself, the thrusts upwards and hits the back of Frank’s throat, and as sorry as he is, he can’t really find the brain to apologize right now, and Frank doesn’t seem to mind too much. However, Gerard obeys with the comment on noise, moaning and gasping and begging, and every single little sound he makes jumps right into the front of Frank’s boxers, and he’s so fucking hard it’s uncomfortable, but as long as his mouth will continue to make Gerard sound like that, it’s okay.

 

“Ah, fuck, _baby,_ ” Gerard groans, and Frank moans too, mouth still around Gerard’s dick, but he can’t help himself because holy hell if Gerard keeps coming up with nicknames then Frank is fucking done.

 

And maybe, just maybe Gerard has a plan of making Frank come untouched or something, because the way he arches his back and slowly melts into a trembling, cursing, moaning mess under Frank’s dirty mouth is somewhat addictive, and Frank doesn’t think that he’s ever gotten so turned on by blowing someone before. Not that Frank thinks about the other times now.

   All he really is able to think about right now is the guy who’s undeniably the best (and the only) friend he’s had in the eighteen short years he’s lived.

 

“Frank – hey – baby, I’m gonna, ah, I’m –“

 

Frank gives Gerard credit for warning but he holds himself down nonetheless and doesn’t pull away, he stays on his place, knees aching and his hard-on rubbing painfully against his jeans, taking everything. Gerard sees stars, unable to move or to think, just resting on the couch with his eyes half-shut. Out of this world, almost.

 

“Fuck the moon” Gerard mutters while Frank, quite forcefully, shoves his hand down his own pants, ignoring the awkward angle just to get some release.

 

“Fuck” Frank groans which finally seems to bring Gerard back to life, realizing the situation.

 

“Aw, baby, no, I –“ He hurries to help, but he’s seconds too late because in the exact moment the word _baby_ slips from his lips, Frank curses and comes hard in his boxers, collapsing face-first on the floor and panting like he’s just run a marathon.

 

 

**

 

Frank’s a bit cold, maybe, but Gerard brings a blanket large enough to wrap them both in it, and they sit quite comfortably after all, side by side, glaring at the sky which is now slowly turning into the color of and old lilac curtains.

  Frank closes his eyes and his body feels soft all over, like Gerard has kissed away the loneliness, the weight of it all. Just for a little while, but still.

 

“Why do you think about the dark side of the moon, Gerard?” Frank asks, and his voice is low and used. He sounds like he’s about to fall asleep, and Gerard runs his fingers through his hair, smiling to himself.

 

“Because no one else does.” Gerard answers although he’s not sure if Frank’s really even listening to him anymore. The small boy only hums in response, cuddling closer, sniffling against Gerard’s arm.

 

“And why do you like me so much?” Frank asks quietly, almost impossible to hear. The sleep is already wrapping him into its calming silence but he still wants to know, even if he wouldn’t remember the answer tomorrow.

  Tomorrow has never been Frank’s problem.

 

“Because you’re the only one who will remember me if I’ll go.” Gerard says after a long while, and he knows that the calm breathing only means that Frank’s beyond hearing things, beyond understanding a thing.

  It doesn’t matter.

 

Gerard holds onto Frank’s hand, closing his own eyes as well.

 

He hopes for a change, for a snowless winter, for a non-existing Christmas, and for a night he’ll sleep in peace.

 

Sun rises and paints the two boys with the colors of fire, covering up the leftover kids of Jersey with its warmth.

 

And they sleep.


End file.
